Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
