i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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