haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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