her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
