you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
