I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Four minutes until I can fart!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize