Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
