I look better un-naked...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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