absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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