Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
