i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
