i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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