If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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