my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
