May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My pussy is not your playground.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize