oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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