Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
