What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
