Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
