did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
