do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
