Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
