the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
