i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
