honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
