My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
