Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize