I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
