Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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