does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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