Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
