some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
