Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
