Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
