It's Friday. Sex?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
