i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
