shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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