I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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