you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
