How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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