Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
