i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You smell like stripper and shame
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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