I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
