You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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