The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
