And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
