I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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