Have you finally orgasmed yet?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
