they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
