were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
