May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
