Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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