Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
