ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
