i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
