This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
