Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
