You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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