He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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