goodnight i made you a song goodbye
now i know why i became what i already was.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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