Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
