oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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