Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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