today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
